Just the other day I met a woman working at a perfume counter who could have been forty or eighty-years-old. She had some of the usual symptoms of being older: grey hair, a 40ish-year-old daughter working with her, and classy clothing. Yet her skin looked like a wee baby’s butt and she was absolutely stunning. I, in my usual socially awkward fashion, grabbed her roughly by the arm and blurted out, “GOOD GOD woman, your skin is flipping GORGeous! Do tell me your secret so I can pickle myself as well as you!” I think I might have tourrettes.

She politely ignored my overloaded passion (due to my recent ingestion of about 30 oz of green tea) and told me all of her secrets. They were the secrets…of the magical oils. We quickly bonded because I too had been dabbling in the magic of oils after reading The Cleansing Method, and had experienced first hand the power of giving my body what it needs to heal and then leaving it ALONE. For me it quickly cured my horrible cystic acne, which I never had issues with until I was in my thirties. My mind was officially blown considering I had shelled out thousands of dollars on every cream, lotion, wash, facial, serum, spot-treatment, and witch doctor vitamin on the planet. I had been one step away from changing my birth control/cutting my face off because I was being told it was hormonal and no amount of diet change or product would fix it… Until I found the oilssss….

So as we excitedly swapped secrets like school kids during recess, she explained that every day she slaps on her own patented mix of the following oils: Apricot, argon, and hemp oil (I might be forgetting one). She’s been doing this for years and swears by it. I’ve also started the habit of slapping on either Jojoba, Argan, or a recent up and comer, Maracuja oil, and am amazed at the results. I’ve actually stopped wearing foundation every day for the first time in years.

And of course, now the skin care industry is trying to make a buck off of the power of oils, as I’m sure you’ve all seen if you’re even slightly into skin care. Oil face washes, oil moisturizers, oil concealers, oil freaking butt wipes as far as the eye can see from every brand out there! Here’s my issue though…why eat a fried carrot? Let me explain my meaning behind that odd statement… These fancy schmansy companies usually take a healthy ingredient and mix it with fillers, chemicals, preservatives, fragrances, colorings, and potentially harmful/irritating “natural” ingredients. It’s essentially like eating a fried carrot. Sure you’re eating something that’s healthy, but it’s freaking FRIED, which completely negates the health benefits. Why purchase their expensive products where the health benefits are negated by all the other caca they thrown in there?

It’s easier, cheaper, and better for you to just do it your damn self. Here’s a great article about creating a customized three-ingredient blend (to use as a face moisturizer): Three Ingredient Oil Moisturizer. And if you’re too lazy to try The Oil Cleansing Method, at least try washing your face with whatever crappy product you’re currently using and finish with some oil as a moisturizer. And if you’re still too scared to use oils completely as your moisturizer, just add a couple drops of oil to your current face and/or body moisturizer to amp up the antioxidant power of your current products.

I dare you to try it for 30 days and see if you don’t have people commenting on how beautiful your skin looks. For instance, just the other day sans makeup, someone asked me if I was an aesthetician because they thought my skin looked so healthy. I just giggled like a woman in a douche commercial, threw my hair back and said, “Oils baby. It’s all about the oils.”

***Further reading if you feel like torturing yourself***

Below is a list of some of my top oil choices, with a small amount of info about them. I highly encourage you to investigate oils on your own and see what works best for you.

Coconut oil

This is pretty much my #1 because it is so versatile and delicious. I use it for cooking, hair/scalp treatments, as a body moisturizer, healthy addition to smoothies, healing wounds, etc. More info on coconut oil benefits here: Fun With Coconuts! Also, you can buy a huge jar of this stuff on Amazon for a fraction of the price in a health-food store: Nutiva Organic Virgin Coconut Oil.

Olive oil

Olive Oil can be used in cooking, salad dressing, for shaving, in facewash, a lipscrub, hair and scalp treatments, etc. And little known fact about this stuff: most of the olive oil sold in the U.S. is rancid. Olive oil producing countries sell olive oil by the season and do one of two things when the oil is old and/or rancid: A. Throw it out or B. Sell it to unsuspecting Americans, where we have somehow missed the concept that olive oil is an extremely perishable product. America = olive oil suckers.

If you’re going to use it raw to add flavor to dishes, do yourself a “flavor” and purchase it from a store that switches out their product every season.  Your taste buds and your body will thank you. More info on Olive Oil benefits here.

Jojoba Oil

This oil has a long shelf life and is resistant to heat damage or rancidity, unlike Olive Oil. I use this as a face and body moisturizer because of its antibacterial properties and the fact that it won’t clog pores! It can also be used as makeup remover, but then again, so can most of the oils listed. More on Jojoba Oil benefits here.

Castor Oil

Castor Oil literally pulls bacteria, gunk, and makeup out of your pores. I use this in my face wash and my skin has never been happier. More on Castor Oil benefits here.

Oregano Oil

Holy moly, this stuff is potent and powerful. If it’s too concentrated it could cause skin irritation so use it sparingly and/or mix it with a carrier oil such as jojoba or argan oil. It can be used as a treatment for dandruff, insect bites, etc. Because of its antibacterial and anti-fungal properties, this little guy is a must have in your medicine cabinet. It will also make your bathroom smell like an Italian restaurant if you accidentally spill it, which I learned the hard way.  More on Oregano Oil benefits here.

Tea Tree Oil

I’m sure you’ve all heard of this one. Known for being great for healing anything from wounds and acne to dandruff. I add a few drops of this as well to my face wash and my shaving oil. More on Tea Tree Oil benefits here.

There are so many, many more, but honestly, I’m sick of looking this stuff up for you lazy people. Basically the lesson here is that 9 out of 10 times, there’s always a cheaper, healthier, more natural, and/or easier option to everything that ails you. There’s hardly any harm in trying this (unless you have some weird coconut allergy). Most likely you already have most of these items in your cabinet so what’s it gonna cost you?

Certainly not $200 for a one ounce tin of eye cream allegedly squeezed from the butts of African silk worms that gives no visible benefits!