Periods. They’re the pits right? They’re the lamest of the lame, the grossest of the gross, the thorn in your uterus! It’s like having the flu 5-7 days out of the month except that you’re also leaking HUMAN FREAKING BLOOD out of your nether regions. Not only is it inconvenient, messy, and painful, but we get so much crap for having them. It’s why some people think we can’t be effective leaders, the excuse behind someone acting like a jerk and defending their behavior by blaming our hormones (nope, you’re just a dang jerk), and why sometimes we can’t be normal and swim like everyone else.
I’ve suffered for years, hating my body with a flaming passion every month. I’ve also written papers on feminine products and given speeches on the horrors behind the feminine product industry. If the danger associated with feminine products isn’t enough to turn your hair as white as the pleasantly bleached tampons you’re carelessly inserting into your vagina (I’ll write an entry on that later), the cost will. A woman spends on average $7-$9 per month stopping up her flow. And without you knowing, the feminine product industry has been steadily upping their prices while simultaneously lowering the amount you get. Sneaky bloody bastards.
So what is a girl to do in the world today if she has a uterus? Have I got the answer for you! It’s called, The Diva Cup. I’m sure some of you have heard about this and immediately shut down the idea. It’s quite a foreign concept that I associated with stinky hippies who don’t believe in doctors. Hippies who don’t mind sitting in a Menstrual Hut during their periods, don’t shower, and don’t mind bleeding into their clothing. Boy, was I wrong and did I waste a lot of time and anguish carrying around those incorrect stereotypes.
The Diva Cup, or menstrual cup, is the best invention since shredded cheese in a bag. It’s sent from period angels who have taken pity on our plight and blessed us with “one cup to rule them all”. It will save you money, ease the hassle associated with periods, and leave you free to live your life. Here is the magical blessing that I’m sharing with all you future converts: Life-Changing Diva Cup
Let me just explain a few of the benefits to The Diva Cup:
- Reusable and therefore easier on the environment and your wallet.
- Made of silicon, which is safe for use in the body; pacifiers and bottle nipples are made of this stuff.
- Non-absorbent meaning there is no risk for Toxic Shock Syndrome.
- You can leave The Diva Cup in for 10-12 hours; Tampons are recommended at no longer than 6-8 hours.
- You can go swimming without fear.
- They aren’t a “risky and new” product and have actually been around for 80 years.
- One Diva Cup can hold 1 oz. of fluid. To put that in perspective, the average woman releases 1-2 oz. during her entire period!
- Less messy than tampons and pads. I know, this shocked me too!
- More comfortable than tampons/pads. You don’t even feel it if it’s inserted properly.
- No fragrance, coloring, or bleach.
Why wouldn’t you use something that awesome! Well, that leads me to the one negative associated with The Diva Cup, which I experienced in the beginning. There is a SERIOUS learning curve to inserting it correctly. And if the idea of tampons without applicators (O.B tampons) gives you the “heebie jeebies”, The Diva Cup will scare the ol’ period belt right off of ya.
You’ll need to get up close and personal with your “friend behind the curtain” more than you ever have before. But honestly, you should befriend your vajayjay anyway because what you’ll reap from doing so will change your world. And just a little tip: When you first start using the Diva Cup, use a backup pantyliner or pad until you’re 100% sure you’ve perfected your insertion technique. When I first started using The Diva Cup, this cutie patootie’s informative video really helped me troubleshoot my issues:
My biggest fear was how gross the cup would be when I removed it. What if I was shopping at the mall with some friends and had to change it in the bathroom? Would I look like Christian Bale in American Psycho, splattered with blood and laughing maniacally at the horror? Would I need to leave the stall to wash the thing, smile politely at the women next to me and say, “Oh don’t mind me…just washing the ol’ blood catcher. Btw, love that lipstick you’re wearing!”?
None of that happened.
First of all, the The Diva Cup holds so much fluid, you rarely need to change it. During my period, I would put it in first thing in the morning and not change it until I went to bed at night.
Second, if for some reason you do have to change it while you’re out, there is hardly any fluid on the outside of the cup when you remove it because the little bugger suctions itself onto your cervix. You simply dump the blood into the toilet, wipe off the outside with a little toilet paper, and then reinsert. You get hardly anything on your hands! So you don’t have to lie to the lady at the sink that the reason your hands are covered in blood is because you killed a rogue rat in the stall. Easy peasy!
There is no harm in trying it. At the worst you hate it and are out $24 bucks, but at the best you’ll reduce your period-associated misery by 7000%. I know I have! The Diva Cup is so good, you’ll almost forget you’re on your period. This I promise to you.
Now go menstruate in peace!