The Devil’s Toothpaste: Crest Pro-health

1943

If Satan owned a toothbrush, he’d use Crest Pro Health toothpaste to brush his teeth. It is pure, unadulterated evil. This toothpaste sold its soul to make money and become popular, and in the process became a blackened, foul, teeth-ruining demon.

Ok, maybe I’m being a bit dramatic, but seriously, this toothpaste is horrible. I was a Crest user for years, not sure why, just liked the stuff. And then one day my eye was drawn to the bold new package of Crest Pro Health toothpaste at the local CVS. The multitasking freak in me was lured in with promises of it being a multiple-use product.

The claims are:
  • Prevents cavities
  • Prevents Gingivitis
  • Reduces Plaque
  • Reduces sensitivity
  • Reduces tartar
  • Whitens
  • Freshens breath

Boy was I sold! Plus they put this official medical symbol on the package with bold text next to it exclaiming, “Clinically Proven Active Ingredient!” Wow, it’s clinically proven you guys! That must mean it’s good, right? Good ol’ companies always looking out for my safety!

Crest

My experience from hell

Well, after using the toothpaste for awhile, I started noticing dark brown stains in between my teeth. I wasn’t a smoker, a coffee drinker, and rarely drank wine. So immediately my brain jumped to the only logical conclusion; OMG I’M GETTING OLD. I’m gonna have old lady teeth!!!

Then I started noticing this weird, stringy, mucous-like substance that would appear in my mouth after brushing. It was just as horrible and disgusting as it sounds. This only furthered my fevered panic that I was getting old and no one would would want to get within 50 feet of me, my brown teeth, and my skin-shedding mouth.

So in my usual fashion, I began an investigation. Just in reading the bad reviews on Amazon alone I discovered that numerous people were complaining about the exact symptoms I was experiencing (Read reviews here if you like). This is when I discovered the culprit.

Stannous Flouride

Remember that “Clinically Proven Active Ingredient” I mentioned earlier? Its evil name is, “Stannous Flouride”. Most toothpastes use “Sodium Flouride” but Crest wanted to be the cool kid on the playground and do things differently. But there are many problems associated with Stannous Flouride, one of which is apparently hidden somewhere on the Crest box (I can’t confirm because I threw out the devil’s toothpaste and burned sage over the trash can).

Side effects are, but not limited to:

  • Staining of the teeth (We’re talking brown-ass stains that can only be removed by a dentist. It makes you look like you’ve been chewing tobacco for decades).
  • Skin peeling on inside of mouth (WHAT?)
  • Irritated gums and tongue
  • Heightened tooth sensitivity
  • Blistering

Proctor and Gamble’s history of public relations disasters

So how does Crest respond to all of these complaints? Like any company that’s caught with their pants down, they act like everything is normal and blame the customer. Just so you know, Crest is owned by Proctor and Gamble, the caring individuals who in the 80’s were responsible for over 1,500 reported cases of Toxic Shock Syndrome and 100 deaths due to their Rely Tampon product. Back then they responded to cases of women becoming ill with, “they must have the flu”, “they’re using Rely incorrectly”, “the women have poor hygiene”, and “we have found no link between our product and TSS and assure that it is completely safe.” The CDC thought otherwise and forced P&G to recall Rely at a cost of $75 million. Oh, and guess who owns Tampax now ladies? You guessed it, P&G.

Looks like P&G didn’t learn their lesson. Their response to Pro Health complaints:

Please let me reassure you the product is completely safe. What you describe is the result of the natural process of removing dead skin cells from the surface of the mouth. The cleaning action of the toothpaste may speed up this process, which can result in dead skin coming off in small pieces. This may make the removal of the dead skin cells more noticeable but it is completely harmless.

Teeth discoloration could actually be one indication, in some people, that the product is working.

Teeth discoloration could be exaggerated by many other factors, such as existing tartar on teeth, consumption of colored beverages like coffee, tea and/or red wine, or tobacco use.

Brown teeth discoloration from use of products that effectively fight plaque and gingivitis is not harmful. It is reversible – and largely preventable – through options like brushing with a power toothbrush and tartar-control/whitening toothpaste, flossing, and visiting the dentist regularly.

What the what???!! Why would my mouth ever need to slough off so many skin cells that my mouth is full of stringy white skin? How is that considered a natural process? Why do they consider it “normal” and perfectly acceptable that a product meant to clean your teeth proves it’s working by turning your teeth brown?? Why are they jerks with such lying jerkface faces?

I can assure you right now, from personal experience and from the complaints I’ve read, that the brown stains are ONLY removable by a professional dental cleaning. I used my Sonicare toothbrush, slapped on white strips, and even purchased a dental scraper and none of those methods worked. And I don’t care what they claim, the inside of my mouth falling apart is not natural.

P.S. My dentist told me to stop using this product.

So… if you’ve noticed your mouth doing weird things as mentioned above, AND you’re using Crest Pro Health toothpaste, you just got the explanation behind your issues. My final word on it? I think P&G are being negligent by allowing this product to be sold to the public and are pulling their same ol’ song and dance in denying its harmful side effects. Do not purchase this product and join me in flipping P&G the bird.

Mister-Rodgers

REVIEW OVERVIEW
Overall Crappy and Harmful Product
.5
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